delicious chocolate JB 100wc

Just looking at all that chocolate  in the shop I just want a big bit of it I just went passed the shops and their was a lot of chocolate inside the shops so I went in and asked the shop keeper .” hello I want this chocolate bar please” he went out of the shops then he had a big bite of the chocolate and it was delicious so he went back home. before he went home he passed a shop with lots of chocolate and he  went home and he went up stairs and had lots of chocolate.

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3 thoughts on “delicious chocolate JB 100wc

  1. I really like your opening sentence, I’m sure lots of people have had that thought as they have passed a sweet shop!
    Next time you blog don’t forget to check your spellings and punctuation, maybe your talk partner could help you to make this even better.
    Havea great Easter
    Miss T

  2. Hello, thank you for writing for the 100WC, I enjoyed your story about chocolate! Well done for using some speech. Try to check over your work after you have finished to make sure that all your sentences have capital letters at the beguinning. Keep writing!

  3. I agree with the other comments…Start reading your story with one breath, if you run out of air before you get to the full stop then you know that your sentence is too long! 🙂 All the mentions of chocolate in your story is making me hungry! I wonder what type of chocolate bar it was… nutty or gooey or crispy or chewy? This will help your reader to imagine your story.

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