looking at all that chocolate by hf

I’m going down the street alone. So many people were lining up in a long line. They are saying “chocolate!” I wonder what is going on. More than 100 people are at the shop so I joined in with them. Suddenly the shop is open, everyone has gone in looking at all the chocolate I thought. I didn’t waste any time to get five chocolatse in the shop the best shop ever. In the middle of the day the shop had 100’s of people in side. I don’t  know how many chocolate bars have been sold today.   

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2 thoughts on “looking at all that chocolate by hf

  1. Your writing has left me with some questions, as good writing often can…I wonder why there were so many people queuing for the chocolate? Maybe it was a new shop that had just opened, maybe it was Easter and there had been a shortage of eggs, maybe chocolate had never been seen in the town before?
    Next time you blog remember to check your work through, look for spellings that need to be changed or punctuation that is missing.
    Have a great Easter break
    Miss T

  2. HI HF
    Thanks very much for entertaining me with your 100 word challenge this afternoon. You use some fabulous time connectives / openers such as ‘suddenly’ and ‘I didn’t waste any time’ to show how quickly you were acting.
    I was very impressed as you started your work in the present tense but then you switch into the past tense every so often. For example you say ‘More than 100 people are at the shop so I joined in with them.’ If you were keeping it in the present tense then you would say, ‘so I join the queue with them.’
    Keep up the great writing.
    Rob Watson, Team 100WC, Byker Primary School, Newcastle, England. http://year5w.bykerblogs.net

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