molly the great escap 100 word challange

Sitting, gazing at earth with my packed lunch. I looked to my left and “ahhhhhh! What is that? “I howled as loud as possible. “repeat after meee I am qwerty “he said “you, you speak?” I skremly said.I fainted. instantly I sat up. “where am I ?” I shouted. A voice said “you are on Jupiter that is in prison “the voice said. “in exchange I will give you my mars bar from my lunch” I said. “You carry mars with you? Wow! Let me see “in a deep voice. “ok!”moving back heading for the door. “run!” I escaped” .

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4 thoughts on “molly the great escap 100 word challange

  1. This is much better than your last 100wc, you have REALLY tried hard with your punctuation this time, well done for taking on board comments from your readers and trying to improve your work. I think there is quite a lot of speech in here, sometimes if you use lots of speech and speech marks it can make it tricky for the reader to follow.
    Keep up the good work!
    Miss T

  2. Well done Molly, I like the suspense and humour in your writing! I like that you have written it as a converstaion between 2 characters. Could you remember when to use capital letters next time? A good response to the prompt, well done.

  3. I liked reading your post because it was very creative. There was a lot of speech though, which made it hard to follow.

  4. Molly I really enjoyed reading your story this week. You had a mixture of tension and humour in there especially the bit about the Mars! I suppose aliens only know about one type of Mars. I think you tried hard with your punctuation but agree with Miss T. Perhaps if you put too much in, it can get confusing. If you do want to use it. remember to put it only around the words which are spoken and begin a new line for a new speaker.
    Well done though. Keep on writing and improving.
    Mrs Prior – Team 100WC

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