molly 100 wc week 33 the bird show…..dead!

“Wow!” he shouted with joy as the bird swooped down and landed on the mans hand. all of a sudden I fell down threw the grass into a room of darkness. I screamed “ahhhhhhhhh, where am I” I started to panic. I looked at my arm , blood blood from the 50ft drop down. slowly walking, breathing quickly, crying loudly ,I fainted. “boo” someone or something grabbed my arm and took me to the lair. “gulp” I said.my heart pounded.i wish I was at home snuggled up in bed,but I was in the middle of know where…………….”please help me”………..dead!

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “molly 100 wc week 33 the bird show…..dead!

  1. Hi,
    A nice start to your story – going straight into it with the speech. This hooked me right from the start as I wanted to know why your character was saying wow and it meant I kept on reading. I also liked how you used speech later on in your 100 words – you write the word “boo” but don’t explain who said it or how it was said. I think that is a good technique in this story as it us a bit scary and unusual.
    You have also started to use some lovely description, I like the power of 3 description you use “slowly walking, breathing quickly, crying loudly.” This really captures what a good scary story should have – short, sharp description about what the character is feeling. Well done.
    Keep Writing!
    Rachel Wills (Team 100WC)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s