100wc The big orange house By Ben

The big orange house
The grumpy old man stomped around the big orange house, then that day Morgan rang the rusty door bell. (ding dong ding dong ding dong) the man came, to the door “yes” Morgan said “I have got something for you”, “ what is it” “A TORTOISE” “WHY” it’s your birth day oh… “give me that” NOOOOOOOOO “GO GO GO”, the tortoise jumped out of the box and on to the pavment come back. No he has gone NOOOOOOO!!!

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8 thoughts on “100wc The big orange house By Ben

  1. Hi Ben
    A great attempt at your very first 100wc. You had some great ideas and I particulary liked your first sentence. Try not to use too much speech, especially when you have so few words to use because it can be quite hard to follow.
    I look forward to your writing getting better and better each week!
    Miss T

  2. great story Ben I like the way you discribed the door bell! next time try to make more sense C.M.H

  3. Hello Ben,
    The grumpy old man doesn’t sound very nice. I hoped the man would be nice when he was given a present. The story started well but it became a bit confusing when it turned into speech. Always try to avoid using too much speech as it turns great stories into conversations.
    Keep writing,
    Mrs Rowland (Team 100 wc)

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