Dear diary, I was going to make a chocolate cake for the cake sale to raise money for sport relief. My mum suddenly called me and I walked down the stairs. My mum said we had to go shopping so I went shopping. We went shopping for 2 hours by the time we got back it was half past 2.Mum said “Oh no you have missed the cake sale” and I replied back “But I thought I had enough time to bake a cake.” So we explained that I didn’t have enough time to bake a cake to the boss. So next year I will join in.
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What a shame about the shopping taking so long! This was well written. Next time, to help the reader picture the scene, you could try to add a few more descriptive words.