100wc by oliver

“Emergency emergency ”  came a voice from the radar room . A second later Dr Eden came barging through the door  shoked and charged to the raidar . Dr Eden was shoked because there was a reading of a closele bee 10 miles from them. Dr Eden jumped in too his space ship with two of his best men and set off too fined the bee .On the way someone at there base was warning them about 3 killer wasps that were attcaing  the bee . when they found the bee  it was dead


3 thoughts on “100wc by oliver

  1. Oliver, I really like your first sentence. As a reader, I am immediately wondering what has happening, so I want to read on to find out more.Grabbing the attention of your reader at the start is a good writing technique. If you re-read your work, you will notice that you have written Dr Eden three times. I think that at least one of them could have been replaced by a pronoun (he), do you agree? You have used some powerful verbs, such as, shocked, barging and charged and this makes your work more interesting. Well done.

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