As Lola walked into the bedroom she fell onto the bed, a few minutes later the loud waving waves in her picture slowly took her straight into another world. She suddenly found herself in a mountainous then she found her brothers and her sister. 2 Hours later they were in a place and it was called Narnia. They walked into Narnia were there was a forest they looked around then walked straight into the forest. The forest seemed alive as the screaming noises from the bang shot them dead in the court of the tall palace. They saw now-one after that……..
Welcome to Horsebridge's blog 
You set the scene very well with your opening sentence and describe events well. The plot seemed to jump when your characters got shot- reread that sentence to see if you can help the reader to understand what was going on a little better. Keep up the writing.
Fiona (Team 100WC)